Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
farters have to be the big spoon...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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