hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
