Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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