As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
