Swine flu. Run for my life!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
