My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
