Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
