I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
