ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
