So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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