Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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