She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So squirting runs in the family.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
