How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
