That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
