So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i've created a new STD.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
