You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i now understand why vodka
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize