Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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