look no pants
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
