The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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