I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
