it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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