is your mom at the bar?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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