Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
