The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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