u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
