went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
