My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
