this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
