Im at strip club and am horny
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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