I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do herpes really smell.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
