bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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