It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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