how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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