my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
