True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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