I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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