he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
