Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
