Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
