Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
