dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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