i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
