how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He better not be in your backpack
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
