I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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