Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
