my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This is the high leading the old right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
