her facebook's as public as her vagina
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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