I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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