Sry I called you an 8
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
