Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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