so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
