i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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