i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can vaginas get frostbite?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
