As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
