meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
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I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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