Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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