Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
