hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
