what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
