I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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