I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
