three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
