We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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