I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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