Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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