I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
