I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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